Quiet Heroes

The religion which is holy and free from evil in the eyes of our God and Father is this: to take care of children who have no fathers and of widows who are in trouble, and to keep oneself untouched by the world.  James 1:27

It occurs to me, watching my daughter and son-in-law over the last couple of years, that there are quiet heroes among us who sacrifice without fanfare or attention, practicing what James 1:27 calls "true" or "pure" religion. 

The only true religion in the sight of God, is this, to visit - With counsel, comfort, and relief. The fatherless and widows - Those who need it most. In their affliction - In their most helpless and hopeless state. (Wesley's Notes)

I know we usually think of heroes as people who willingly put themselves in danger to rescue, protect or defend others.  A person who does this is certainly heroic, but what about the heroes who willingly expose their hearts on a daily basis to those in need around them?

In this case, I'm talking about foster parents.  Now I know that there are those out there who have other than pure motives for taking in children, but I'm not considering them in this discussion.

Did you ever stop to think what it takes to reach out to the "orphans" in our society, open your home and heart to them and risk, yes RISK, having your heart broken over and over again?  To be a really great foster parent, you have to be willing to love the children that are handed to you and treat them as if they are your own.  While that part of the equation sounds really noble, what happens to your heart when the children are returned to their families?  Some of them are short-term and you know from the beginning that they won't be staying with you, but others are given to you with the distinct possibility that you will be able to adopt them and care for them permanently.

This is what Jen & Tony are doing...they have so far had 13 or 14 children in and out of  their home.  Each time they get a new child, the needs are different.  Most of them are delivered wearing nothing but the clothes on their backs, sometimes in the middle of the night withing a couple of hours of being taken away from the places and people they are used to.  (Notice I didn't say removed from their homes, because my definition of a home does not include a place where children are neglected or abused).  The first few hours are spent in getting the children settled down, noting what their immediate needs are and then quick trips to the store to buy whatever is needed.  Rarely have they been told how long the children will be with them, so planning for all of the contingencies is always a challenge.  But that's providing for their physical needs.  Loving them is entirely different. 

I know it may seem that truly loving a child you've only had for a few hours is not really possible, but I would argue that in this case, it's not about what you are feeling, as much as it is about what you are doing.  Love is an action, and it is played out over and over again in the lives of these children.

That being said, Jen & Tony have opted to be long term foster parents, rather than an emergency placement home.  They have volunteered to take "drug babies" and have already had 3 or 4 of them in their home over the past 2 years.  In each of these instances, they have loved and cared for these abused babies with compassion and gentleness.  The babies have been born to moms who used drugs while pregnant.  It can be anything from marijuana to alcohol, but the impact is unbelievable.  When babies are born to moms on drugs, not only is there the possibility of life-long developmental problems, but they are born with the addiction and must spend the first few weeks and months of their lives experiencing withdrawal.

When you expose your heart to one of these children, you open yourself up for a whole new level of sacrifice.  Hours spent holding and comforting them when they cannot be comforted...day after day of patiently feeding a baby that shows no interest in eating and then cleaning up after the baby finally does eat and promptly throws up everything just taken in...loving this child while being unsure how long you will have it...knowing that the pain is there right around the corner of your heart waiting to make it's appearance when they come take the baby to give it back to its parents.  The pain is not just because of your personal loss, the pain also is there because you can see the future that is probably in store for this child if it's placed back into its family of origin.

Jen & Tony have just been told that the newest baby they have, who was born 9 weeks early to a mom who tested positive for crystal meth and marijuana, and who was left in the hospital for over a month after mom walked out and left her there, may be taken away and given to the alleged dad's mom.  They have had her for 7 weeks and were told that this was a case of abandonment and they would very likely get to adopt her.  For right now, their hearts are broken as they contemplate the possibility of handing her over to a stranger who has never even seen her, but if you were to ask them if they'd ever take in another child, they would say "Yes."  As hard as it is, it's "not about us, it's about the babies."

I've had many people tell me that they would not be able handle the heartbreak, so they would never consider doing foster care...

I guess that's what makes my daughter and her husband heroes.