Reflections

In case you are wondering what happened to me--I've been trying figure it out myself.  I seem to have slammed into a writer's block, which is kind of funny since I don't write that much to begin with...

I think it has been a combination of things.  I had been focusing on a special Sunday at church for a few months and on the day of the event, I actually took a nasty fall, hyper-flexing my ankle/foot and ended up with a severe sprain of both. 

Then a week later, my mom suffered a minor stroke and is still in the hospital undergoing a regimen of physical therapy to regain her strength.

It's a curious thing...I'm not that crazy about physical exercise anyway (I hate to sweat), but having my mobility limited by the sprained ankle/foot has been a bummer.  We just went on a week of vacation to Mammoth, and because so much of the walking involves uneven surfaces, I had to be cautious not to aggravate the sprain.  I've been spoiled with such good health that I'm not used to having to think about limitations, so that's a pain (literally and figuratively).

Then, having my mom in the hospital and dealing with all of it long distance has really made the wheels fall off my bus.  Sure, I still do the things I need to do every day:  work, laundry, walking the dog, etc., but when I'm done doing what I have to do, I'm having a real struggle doing the things I want to do and the things I need to do.

It's got me to thinkin'...our lives are so intertwined with things we take for granted that we are often unaware of what exactly make up our underpinnings.  When something happens to upset any of our "props", we can get knocked off the balance beam.  The ankle sprain aside, I've just been more impacted by my mom's circumstances than I realized. 

In pondering the effect Mom's stroke and recovery have had on me, I've realized that even though I have lived my life from age 18 many miles removed from Mom, her presence has always been a constant in my life.  I've taken it for granted, and her generally good health until age almost 85 has made it easy to do that.  I'm totally aware of the fact that we all are mortal, but it's one of those things that hangs around the edges of my existence and doesn't have to be confronted most of the time.

I expect Mom to be around for several more years, but having her enter this time of her life where she is going to need more care requires a different mindset. Trying to keep on top of everything that's happening is made more difficult by the geographical distance between us, but she is surrounded by many people who care for her and is in her "right mind".

I am so thankful to have had her deep spirituality, compassion and selflessness in my life for the past 60 years.  Even though her physical body is weakening, her spirit and mind remain strong.  One of these posts, I'll say more about the courage and strength she has lived with, but that'll be for another day.  

For today, I needed to put some of my thoughts down in writing.  Hopefully, it will serve as a catalyst to get me up off my ---- and doing what I know needs to be done.

Mom, you are in my prayers every day.  I thank God for you and pray His continued presence, strength and healing in your life. 

'Love you.